Roots

I miss Taiwan.

But I'm not sure what I miss about it.

Sure, there's the food, the relatives, the shopping, the city lifestyle.

Most of the time, I'm so detached from it I don't think much about life there.
Last night I was browsing through TV and I came across a taiwanese movie.
Seeing the characters
the life they live
even if they are movie characters
makes me wonder,

what is it like if I lived there?

what would my life be like?

what would I be like?

will I make friends?

will I enjoy life?

will I find people like myself?

I find myself considering these possibilities, though very aware of the fact that I, am now very different to all the Taiwanese people out there.

There was a stage of my life, where I desperately wanted to regain my roots.

It seems, I am now at the other end of the spectrum, not worrying about what they are.


I am in limbo.

Third Wheel

Time to start therapeutically blogging again.
Over the last 2 years, I've had to focus on studying and preparing for exams, and that involves shutting down my emotions, and ignoring every single non-exam aspect of my life.

























I just watched an episode of HIMYM and Ted's predicament was just like how I feel.
Most of my friends and colleagues are attached, getting married, or married.

At work, my colleagues have their partners at home, waiting for them.
My friends can't meet up unless its an agreed time when they don't have to spend time with their significant others.
Others are busy planning their wedding.

Sometimes - in between moments of feeling happy for my friends and colleagues, it just reminds me of how far away from their world I am.

Its easy to be jealous
envious
of the family around them
nephews and nieces
brothers and sisters
in laws
family gatherings
babies
food

I used to be happy when my friends becomes attached.
Its like - an opportunity for me to make a new friend.
Maybe someone that I'll never usually be friends with
but can get to know by association.

However, one by one
I am phased out
No longer an important person in anyone's life
Like training wheels

But first
I need to learn to be happy
as a single wheel.

just rollling along...

Hidden desire