Reason
So when i complain of being lonely, people probably just think i'm jus whining again and stuff. Its ok, i'm used to it anyways, as my good fren says on her blog, this blog is for me to whine whine whine.
Back to topic - when i get that loneliness feeling, let me qualify the reason for me feeling so. I've received feedback from the people that frequent this stagnant blog, and of cus i realise you people are wonderfully nice to me, how could i not? You guys are awesome people. But what i was trying to say is that, somehow, there's no one that cares anymore.
Oh i love my mum and she is exempted from whatever i'm saying here.
Sometimes, people start imagining their own funeral, u know?
I know, its probably the ultimate attention grabbing thing that you wana do (like for pple to notice you), but i would imagine, say if i was to fall dead at home one day. and not attend any lecs etc. How many pple would become concerned?
I know if i never show up to lecture, it'll probably take 1 week before anyone even realise that i'm not there.
If i'm uncontactable, i'm sure it'll take...maybe another week before people wonder why i'm not answering calls.
Its expected, and its not like i'm expecting more with the current situation now so its alrite.
So what i'm complaining about is that - i don't belong to a "family" or any sort.
Groups are like families. I remember - few yrs back when groups still existed for me - frens ring me if they realise i'm not present for one whole day. Or even in highsch, i'm sure people will ring me at home if i didn't go to sch that day.
Why has that happened?
I've been mixing with different pple for the last few years. Its funny, its not like i know a whole herd of pple, i don't! but out of those pple i know, they are all scattered in different groups of their own that they hang ard with - i jus butt into their groups every now and then. Or they've got their own other halves to be concerned with.
Its ok - most of the time, i don't fit into their group (e.g. a group which is all females) anyway - and it'll be weird for me.
I remember in japanese class, one of the first things they taught us abt the culture was that - jap pple hang in groups. They always belong to some sort of social circle, whether it is the family circle, social club at school, work, golf club, knitting club, ikebana club...watever, but everyone's lives are involved in different social circles.
Me? The basic family club is broken. I'm pissed off with my brother, and just now my dad
(he just hanged up on me, dick) (*add. note: he just rang and apologised again, like i'm gona let him off, loser...). So usually after arguing with someone in the family i'll usually complain to my brother, but i'm quite pissed with him anyways so dun wana speak to him. That leaves me with my 貢丸to speak to,hehe, will speak to him later.
And in class, i m not automatically included in any group of pple. I can easily sit at the back of the lecture theatre and sleep and no one will care. As i said, no one will noticed if i'm not even there - and of cus no one will get notes for me. Hey, i'm not really complaining, i like the liberty of being able to choose who i sit with and have the choice of being anti social if i feel like it. I have the choice to do anythhing i want without anyone nagging me. So i'm not overly bothered by it, except someones, say, at lunch, when everyone shoots off with their friends for lunch or to go to places, they'll talk abt their plans in front of you and its ok cos we all know that i'm not included. (and i'm not asking to be so there's no worry there). Its just concerning that, while everyone has a place somewhere, where is my place?
Do i not have a place?
那...我的"那些"朋友呢?那些沒用的人...雖然我不怎麼在意他們,可是...畢竟,我們以前是一起度過高中的...阿既然現在我跟他們有距離了 - 我到不能自己去跟他們說我要他們怎麼對待我吧?是我要求太多嗎?可是我其他的朋友就做到我喜歡的是阿. 人生就是很好笑...我以為我在一的那些人,做的是,真的是濫到我不知道該笑還是哭...阿其他的人,我根本沒有想到他們會表現的那麼好...可是他們卻讓我驚訝.
別人說我因該去跟他們說我的感想...我看...免了吧...有些人,就是不會了解的.
看的懂我寫的因該知道我在說啥吧...對阿,我有跟你說過這些...我的看法還是相同的...
因為我已經認為他們不是我重要的人了
所以...我不放在心上了
就隨他去吧.我喜歡我自己的路,跟那些不了解我又沒用的人禪著...自找麻煩!!
------
So, the exclusion from all these groups that everyone in society belongs to, I already start to feel isolated, 在加上另一方面的不同......I have no idea what i belong to. So yea. Welcome to my world!
But don't get me wrong. I am happy as it is - I still have my mum, she supports me so much in so many ways i really duno what i'd do without her.
And i'll work hard to achieve what i need to, want to achieve.
And as for those of you's that has been kind enough to read this or even hear abt this personally from me, I thank you.
Back to topic - when i get that loneliness feeling, let me qualify the reason for me feeling so. I've received feedback from the people that frequent this stagnant blog, and of cus i realise you people are wonderfully nice to me, how could i not? You guys are awesome people. But what i was trying to say is that, somehow, there's no one that cares anymore.
Oh i love my mum and she is exempted from whatever i'm saying here.
Sometimes, people start imagining their own funeral, u know?
I know, its probably the ultimate attention grabbing thing that you wana do (like for pple to notice you), but i would imagine, say if i was to fall dead at home one day. and not attend any lecs etc. How many pple would become concerned?
I know if i never show up to lecture, it'll probably take 1 week before anyone even realise that i'm not there.
If i'm uncontactable, i'm sure it'll take...maybe another week before people wonder why i'm not answering calls.
Its expected, and its not like i'm expecting more with the current situation now so its alrite.
So what i'm complaining about is that - i don't belong to a "family" or any sort.
Groups are like families. I remember - few yrs back when groups still existed for me - frens ring me if they realise i'm not present for one whole day. Or even in highsch, i'm sure people will ring me at home if i didn't go to sch that day.
Why has that happened?
I've been mixing with different pple for the last few years. Its funny, its not like i know a whole herd of pple, i don't! but out of those pple i know, they are all scattered in different groups of their own that they hang ard with - i jus butt into their groups every now and then. Or they've got their own other halves to be concerned with.
Its ok - most of the time, i don't fit into their group (e.g. a group which is all females) anyway - and it'll be weird for me.
I remember in japanese class, one of the first things they taught us abt the culture was that - jap pple hang in groups. They always belong to some sort of social circle, whether it is the family circle, social club at school, work, golf club, knitting club, ikebana club...watever, but everyone's lives are involved in different social circles.
Me? The basic family club is broken. I'm pissed off with my brother, and just now my dad
(he just hanged up on me, dick) (*add. note: he just rang and apologised again, like i'm gona let him off, loser...). So usually after arguing with someone in the family i'll usually complain to my brother, but i'm quite pissed with him anyways so dun wana speak to him. That leaves me with my 貢丸to speak to,hehe, will speak to him later.
And in class, i m not automatically included in any group of pple. I can easily sit at the back of the lecture theatre and sleep and no one will care. As i said, no one will noticed if i'm not even there - and of cus no one will get notes for me. Hey, i'm not really complaining, i like the liberty of being able to choose who i sit with and have the choice of being anti social if i feel like it. I have the choice to do anythhing i want without anyone nagging me. So i'm not overly bothered by it, except someones, say, at lunch, when everyone shoots off with their friends for lunch or to go to places, they'll talk abt their plans in front of you and its ok cos we all know that i'm not included. (and i'm not asking to be so there's no worry there). Its just concerning that, while everyone has a place somewhere, where is my place?
Do i not have a place?
那...我的"那些"朋友呢?那些沒用的人...雖然我不怎麼在意他們,可是...畢竟,我們以前是一起度過高中的...阿既然現在我跟他們有距離了 - 我到不能自己去跟他們說我要他們怎麼對待我吧?是我要求太多嗎?可是我其他的朋友就做到我喜歡的是阿. 人生就是很好笑...我以為我在一的那些人,做的是,真的是濫到我不知道該笑還是哭...阿其他的人,我根本沒有想到他們會表現的那麼好...可是他們卻讓我驚訝.
別人說我因該去跟他們說我的感想...我看...免了吧...有些人,就是不會了解的.
看的懂我寫的因該知道我在說啥吧...對阿,我有跟你說過這些...我的看法還是相同的...
因為我已經認為他們不是我重要的人了
所以...我不放在心上了
就隨他去吧.我喜歡我自己的路,跟那些不了解我又沒用的人禪著...自找麻煩!!
------
So, the exclusion from all these groups that everyone in society belongs to, I already start to feel isolated, 在加上另一方面的不同......I have no idea what i belong to. So yea. Welcome to my world!
But don't get me wrong. I am happy as it is - I still have my mum, she supports me so much in so many ways i really duno what i'd do without her.
And i'll work hard to achieve what i need to, want to achieve.
And as for those of you's that has been kind enough to read this or even hear abt this personally from me, I thank you.
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