Junk

We have our KTV marathon at cashbox last night....630pm to 230am... beat that!

PRettiest bday cake ever...thanks bro

so cute!!

Junk in my head.



a LOT of junk in my head.



Mixed.



Confused.



There's confusion with what i should be feeling

What i should be doing

What i should be thinking

What i should be wanting...



I feel sad but i want to feel happy



I feel lonely but I have my whole family, or the pieces that remain, around me.



I feel lost cos i don't have to wake up at 630am and do ward rounds anymore.



I feel lost cos there is so much to do here in taiwan and i don't know where to start.



Or if i SHOULD start.



or HOW to start.



I feel angry with myself cos i'm forever waiting for people to pick me up to give me a shove. To lead me somewhere. Tell me what to do.



That's why i'm so grateful to a lot of ppl ard me.

To all those pple that care enough to give me a push.

Point me in the right direction.

Show me the light.



Do you know.



Its very tiring to be self motivated. To be responsible.



Role model.



Do I have a role model? Are there people out there I wish you could learn from? Pick up their amazing skills? Do what they do? Admire their strength and abilities?



Deep down i feel that i lack role models. Which is dumb since there are plenty of ppl ard me that ARE role models. Can be. Amazing abilities. Skills. Attitute. Knowledge. and Personality.



Buddy.



Do I have a buddy? Are there people out there i can depend on? More importantly, are there people out there who has shared the same experiences as me, to see the world the same way i do, the same way i think, to share my history with me as i know it?



...simple answer, no.



Roots.



A tree with no roots can't stand on its own.



Any big wind can topple them. Hows a tree without roots to withstand a storm?



The tree has learnt through life, that i can use its branches to hang on to its surroundings. Grasp. unnatural. pure survival.



Copy what other real trees do, dig underground, try to grow fake roots.



Am i someone who just can't be satisfied? Someone who HAS it, but is so blind that i can't appreciate it? Someone who's constantly salivating at other people's plate of food? Someone who's fool who can't satisfy himself? Who'll never be satisfied with what i've got? always wanting something more?



Where is the line between ambition and greed?



Junk in my mind.



Junking up my mind........