You must be my best friend in colorectal. Everyday, we jam things in people's butts - fingers, anoscopes, colooscopes, sigmoidoscopes, paediatric gastroscopes, rigid sigmoidoscopes, vaseline, gauzes, swabs and jam the contents in the butt all up.
The ass produces lots of jam too - jam that i'm sure you'd love to spread onto your bread. Natural rectal mucus, rectal bleeds mixed with soft stool after bowel prep before surgery, diarrhoea, caecal mucus mixed with small bowel bile stained contents, ileostomy products, pure hard stool (crunchy peanut butter consistency), thick gooey pus from anal fistulas, fishy stringy pus from rectovaginal fistulas, oh those hard, crunchy metastatic adenocarcinomas, and those vines of grape-like polyps in familial adenomatous polyposis patients (many hot young females too)
But, Buttjam, you should really be more gentle on people's butts. I mean, when you chew on the anal mucosa, dont' suck too hard and give them haemorrhoids please? And when you lick those juicy polyps in the rectum, don't bite so hard that you give them rectal fissures? I know you enjoy the slurping the pus that comes from infected anal fistulas a few weeks later but its really uncomfortable for the patients. Oh, and when you lick the diarrhoea off the asshole, try not to scrape your teeth on the anal sphincters? You either: 1. make them all loose and your special jam becomes wasted on their panties 2. Make the tissue around the anal ring scarred and they get tight anal sphincters needing anal dilation and sphincter repair which - sphincters so tight that they can't even fart.
So, Buttjam, may new best friend, its been nice jamming with you our colorectal department.
Where is Moo and what did he do this Saturday? (7/10/06)
Hello Buttjam:
ReplyDeleteYou must be my best friend in colorectal. Everyday, we jam things in people's butts - fingers, anoscopes, colooscopes, sigmoidoscopes, paediatric gastroscopes, rigid sigmoidoscopes, vaseline, gauzes, swabs and jam the contents in the butt all up.
The ass produces lots of jam too - jam that i'm sure you'd love to spread onto your bread.
Natural rectal mucus, rectal bleeds mixed with soft stool after bowel prep before surgery, diarrhoea, caecal mucus mixed with small bowel bile stained contents, ileostomy products, pure hard stool (crunchy peanut butter consistency), thick gooey pus from anal fistulas, fishy stringy pus from rectovaginal fistulas, oh those hard, crunchy metastatic adenocarcinomas, and those vines of grape-like polyps in familial adenomatous polyposis patients (many hot young females too)
But, Buttjam, you should really be more gentle on people's butts. I mean, when you chew on the anal mucosa, dont' suck too hard and give them haemorrhoids please? And when you lick those juicy polyps in the rectum, don't bite so hard that you give them rectal fissures? I know you enjoy the slurping the pus that comes from infected anal fistulas a few weeks later but its really uncomfortable for the patients. Oh, and when you lick the diarrhoea off the asshole, try not to scrape your teeth on the anal sphincters? You either:
1. make them all loose and your special jam becomes wasted on their panties
2. Make the tissue around the anal ring scarred and they get tight anal sphincters needing anal dilation and sphincter repair which - sphincters so tight that they can't even fart.
So, Buttjam, may new best friend, its been nice jamming with you our colorectal department.
remember, lick, suck and blow but NO TEETH!
Moo