Past
I really wanted to do some photo blogging today but my Hello! keeps shutting down. And i'm not in the mood rite now to do that anyways.
Absorbed into the world of the past rite now.
Never a good thing to do - time waster...
Talking abt wasting time - something which i really dislike sometimes - i seem to spend my time doing useless things. Or things that don't matter. (actually, what constitutes matters? Does it have to be productive as such? I think what i'm trying to say is that i'm spending too much time doing things that i enjoy that is not productive towards anything i.e. wasting time)
Whenever i read stories abt ppl talking abt their productive high sch years - how they throw themselves into their passionates e.g. sports and soak up the rays of youth, it makes me wonder - what have i been doing in my youth?
Believe it or not, i'm actually in the 20s now. Like established 20s. I can actually look back to my teenage years since i'm not actually a teenager no more. Sure, i still have some youth ahead of me yet (thank god) but - its that stinking feeling that i didnt' make the full use of my so called youth.
What do I say that? The closest example is i guess, my 21st. No critisicm to da pple that gave speeches, they were awesome, i will formally thank them here in the near future. But jus as i suspected before the event, what IS there to say abt me? I never lived that crazy days that other pple had. There's no stories to tell as such. I wasn't part of any team, wasnt' heavily involved in things...there's no big memorable events as i think bk to those years.
And that's jus like all the stages of my life.
Went thru like a blank.
I can't remember the details. Can't tell you the single most awesomest event in my life.
I guess looking at it in the good way - i've lived a safe, mediocre life which is fortunate. Free from unfortunate events that i don't want. Mind you, i'm not complaining that not enuff is happening in life. I'm self-critising that - how did i let these years get past, without doing things that will at least stick in my mind?
How was i not even able to make an impact on myself, not to mention others?
And these 4 university years that just zoomed past me. Wow - what happened there?
Hey - there's some nice memories in those 4 yrs, like most recently the trip to china and japan with my family members. And my bro's trip to nz. And a few other things that happened, including quite a few "firsts" for me...including some things which i regret ever happening, regret doing...
I guess what i'm trying to say is that - if i was to write down my last few college yrs as a novel, it would be so mundane and boring.
So conclusion is - how have i become such a boring person, that when asked to describe what i do in the weekends, i can't really list of things other than sleep and TRYING (unsuccessfully) to study? I have no sports committments, no music committtments (even tho i really want to have one...but been too unmotivated to do anything abt it....argh, im frustrating myself), no group committments...and most of my friends are too busy with their own activities/groups/work.
Yes I do enjoy the sleep I get in the weekends tho. And the weekend jog around my house (i've been real slack these few weeeks, no exercise, me fat). And just relaxing and taking walk wif mum. Spending time at home is nice.
I guess i'm begging the questions - am i living life the way I WANT it or am i trying to live someone else's life?
Yea, I know, the other person's candy is always gona b sweeter.
But, that's the way i think. Because no one teaches me how to live life. No role model to show me what successful life is supposed to like. Therefore i look up to everyone. I look at how they live life. And I follow. And adapt.
That's why i'm not a leader, but a follower.
As i have mentioned, instead of striving to be the leader of the pack, I strive to be one of the pack.
To the extent, that sometimes i want life to be normal, just like one of the pack...
Just like someone on TV, in the novel you read, someone that goes thru all those typical issues and worries and someone who lives life like a textbook (without realising it of cus)
And not feel like an alien in a human body observing other pple's lives and wonder - why are all my issues different?
Why is there no one that, I feel, really really understands me?
Someone to tell me that i'm doing fine - i can be myself - i am doing alright - i m not heading towards the deep end..............................the black hole.............................
Absorbed into the world of the past rite now.
Never a good thing to do - time waster...
Talking abt wasting time - something which i really dislike sometimes - i seem to spend my time doing useless things. Or things that don't matter. (actually, what constitutes matters? Does it have to be productive as such? I think what i'm trying to say is that i'm spending too much time doing things that i enjoy that is not productive towards anything i.e. wasting time)
Whenever i read stories abt ppl talking abt their productive high sch years - how they throw themselves into their passionates e.g. sports and soak up the rays of youth, it makes me wonder - what have i been doing in my youth?
Believe it or not, i'm actually in the 20s now. Like established 20s. I can actually look back to my teenage years since i'm not actually a teenager no more. Sure, i still have some youth ahead of me yet (thank god) but - its that stinking feeling that i didnt' make the full use of my so called youth.
What do I say that? The closest example is i guess, my 21st. No critisicm to da pple that gave speeches, they were awesome, i will formally thank them here in the near future. But jus as i suspected before the event, what IS there to say abt me? I never lived that crazy days that other pple had. There's no stories to tell as such. I wasn't part of any team, wasnt' heavily involved in things...there's no big memorable events as i think bk to those years.
And that's jus like all the stages of my life.
Went thru like a blank.
I can't remember the details. Can't tell you the single most awesomest event in my life.
I guess looking at it in the good way - i've lived a safe, mediocre life which is fortunate. Free from unfortunate events that i don't want. Mind you, i'm not complaining that not enuff is happening in life. I'm self-critising that - how did i let these years get past, without doing things that will at least stick in my mind?
How was i not even able to make an impact on myself, not to mention others?
And these 4 university years that just zoomed past me. Wow - what happened there?
Hey - there's some nice memories in those 4 yrs, like most recently the trip to china and japan with my family members. And my bro's trip to nz. And a few other things that happened, including quite a few "firsts" for me...including some things which i regret ever happening, regret doing...
I guess what i'm trying to say is that - if i was to write down my last few college yrs as a novel, it would be so mundane and boring.
So conclusion is - how have i become such a boring person, that when asked to describe what i do in the weekends, i can't really list of things other than sleep and TRYING (unsuccessfully) to study? I have no sports committments, no music committtments (even tho i really want to have one...but been too unmotivated to do anything abt it....argh, im frustrating myself), no group committments...and most of my friends are too busy with their own activities/groups/work.
Yes I do enjoy the sleep I get in the weekends tho. And the weekend jog around my house (i've been real slack these few weeeks, no exercise, me fat). And just relaxing and taking walk wif mum. Spending time at home is nice.
I guess i'm begging the questions - am i living life the way I WANT it or am i trying to live someone else's life?
Yea, I know, the other person's candy is always gona b sweeter.
But, that's the way i think. Because no one teaches me how to live life. No role model to show me what successful life is supposed to like. Therefore i look up to everyone. I look at how they live life. And I follow. And adapt.
That's why i'm not a leader, but a follower.
As i have mentioned, instead of striving to be the leader of the pack, I strive to be one of the pack.
To the extent, that sometimes i want life to be normal, just like one of the pack...
Just like someone on TV, in the novel you read, someone that goes thru all those typical issues and worries and someone who lives life like a textbook (without realising it of cus)
And not feel like an alien in a human body observing other pple's lives and wonder - why are all my issues different?
Why is there no one that, I feel, really really understands me?
Someone to tell me that i'm doing fine - i can be myself - i am doing alright - i m not heading towards the deep end..............................the black hole.............................
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