Binge
I just handed in a case history and now another one is due on friday. Man...
Yesterday i was in ED trying to "help" admit patients (acutally more for my own practice as the reg has to review my admission anyway...but she was really nice)...but yea. This kid came in with widespread rashes, red lips, red eyes, red palms and red soles, and fever for 5 days ANd extremely irritable, referred by the GP, came in, and was diagnosed with Kawasaki disease. So me, being the excited medical student, rushed in with the reg's consent and tried to take a history and stuff. Pulling the Kid (JW) away from the Tv was a mistake. He screamed and cried non-stop as i took him to the cubicle with his parents for a chat. I couldn't concentrate or HEAR what they were trying to tell me. In the end i didn't even finish taking the history and gave up cos i thot the parents seemed a bit kinda....reluctant to be there - they want to take the kid back to the TV. Which is understandable. So without even examining the patient, i went back to the reg and told her that i was incompetent. So i watched her did her thing. She is so much better at gauging and handling things. Like she managed to do the whole thing with the kid in front of the TV and the kid being comfortable. Don't get me wrong - the kid is a nice kid (like just now, i found them by the ground floor and the kid was smiling and came up to me to look at me...much more less irritable)....but cos one of the symptoms of the disease is a VERY VERY irritable kid...it almost became too much for me to stand!
Like with the previous patient - i made her cry the whole time while i was examining her - the parents only saw her smile 3 times that day - and the reg managed to tickle her stomach and examine her chest and heartsound in peace. unlike me who had her crying and could only heard widespread cries.
And then there's my other classmate shaun who was at ED that day too. When i got there initially i had no patients to see while he was busty with clerking and stuff. And the reg told him to come to the ward round the next day to present his case. While i was sitting at the desk with nothing to do and tryign to look like i m not a space occupying lesion. Feels so incompetent and useless. And he was so involved with the patient, so motivated, knew the right things to say...while i look at myself - i even forgot how to reflect emotions and ASK THE RIGHT DAMN QUESTION...
I mean...i was asking the nurse about where the reg was and i got tongue tied. I was asking questions and i got tongue tied. And i can't speak sentences properly... sucks....why the hell do i get nervous...?
Feels so incompetent.
It was actaully a pretty useful day yesterday - i got to talk to a patient that fell on his back, a girl with eye swelling, the kawasaki boy, and the other baby boy with a viral illness and widespread rash. Altho i didn't do much examinations properly (somehow i jus CANT subject patients who are acutely sick to my examination - especially when they dont look like they wana move at all and when i know the reg has to do the same thing again soon...and also when i know that i probaly wn't find anything if i examine the e.g. abdomen)...i also hate making patients feel more pain - especialyl when tthey say they have abdo pain and i hav to feel ard to see how painful it acutally is....><"
But u know, a senior told me that i have to get over the embarrasssment and do it and practice...otherwise, i'll fail like she did when she had that attitude...
><"
conflicting ideas.
So i feel shit now. I guess i can put it down to loss of confidence. I dont' feel that i am confident aroudn children. Somehow, I get too worried about how they are gona react to my actions that i freeze up and i jus duno what to do. also i think most of the time my brain functions at 50% - like i listen to pple describe the clinical case and i start daydreaminng and stop listening - and lose track of whats happening.
So yea....pretty pissed wif myself rite now...
so going for a run....hopefully things will get better...
And hope i'll b able to do my case history tonight...at least the parts i can anyway....
Yesterday i was in ED trying to "help" admit patients (acutally more for my own practice as the reg has to review my admission anyway...but she was really nice)...but yea. This kid came in with widespread rashes, red lips, red eyes, red palms and red soles, and fever for 5 days ANd extremely irritable, referred by the GP, came in, and was diagnosed with Kawasaki disease. So me, being the excited medical student, rushed in with the reg's consent and tried to take a history and stuff. Pulling the Kid (JW) away from the Tv was a mistake. He screamed and cried non-stop as i took him to the cubicle with his parents for a chat. I couldn't concentrate or HEAR what they were trying to tell me. In the end i didn't even finish taking the history and gave up cos i thot the parents seemed a bit kinda....reluctant to be there - they want to take the kid back to the TV. Which is understandable. So without even examining the patient, i went back to the reg and told her that i was incompetent. So i watched her did her thing. She is so much better at gauging and handling things. Like she managed to do the whole thing with the kid in front of the TV and the kid being comfortable. Don't get me wrong - the kid is a nice kid (like just now, i found them by the ground floor and the kid was smiling and came up to me to look at me...much more less irritable)....but cos one of the symptoms of the disease is a VERY VERY irritable kid...it almost became too much for me to stand!
Like with the previous patient - i made her cry the whole time while i was examining her - the parents only saw her smile 3 times that day - and the reg managed to tickle her stomach and examine her chest and heartsound in peace. unlike me who had her crying and could only heard widespread cries.
And then there's my other classmate shaun who was at ED that day too. When i got there initially i had no patients to see while he was busty with clerking and stuff. And the reg told him to come to the ward round the next day to present his case. While i was sitting at the desk with nothing to do and tryign to look like i m not a space occupying lesion. Feels so incompetent and useless. And he was so involved with the patient, so motivated, knew the right things to say...while i look at myself - i even forgot how to reflect emotions and ASK THE RIGHT DAMN QUESTION...
I mean...i was asking the nurse about where the reg was and i got tongue tied. I was asking questions and i got tongue tied. And i can't speak sentences properly... sucks....why the hell do i get nervous...?
Feels so incompetent.
It was actaully a pretty useful day yesterday - i got to talk to a patient that fell on his back, a girl with eye swelling, the kawasaki boy, and the other baby boy with a viral illness and widespread rash. Altho i didn't do much examinations properly (somehow i jus CANT subject patients who are acutely sick to my examination - especially when they dont look like they wana move at all and when i know the reg has to do the same thing again soon...and also when i know that i probaly wn't find anything if i examine the e.g. abdomen)...i also hate making patients feel more pain - especialyl when tthey say they have abdo pain and i hav to feel ard to see how painful it acutally is....><"
But u know, a senior told me that i have to get over the embarrasssment and do it and practice...otherwise, i'll fail like she did when she had that attitude...
><"
conflicting ideas.
So i feel shit now. I guess i can put it down to loss of confidence. I dont' feel that i am confident aroudn children. Somehow, I get too worried about how they are gona react to my actions that i freeze up and i jus duno what to do. also i think most of the time my brain functions at 50% - like i listen to pple describe the clinical case and i start daydreaminng and stop listening - and lose track of whats happening.
So yea....pretty pissed wif myself rite now...
so going for a run....hopefully things will get better...
And hope i'll b able to do my case history tonight...at least the parts i can anyway....
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