Mood
Its one of those days where my mood swings from kinda motivated and high to a low and irritable mood. Not sure exactly why, but all I wana do is to be mean, irritable and not understanding rite now.
Was thinking abt relationships before. I think that young pple i.e. ppl in teens shud really have relationships earlier while they can - those teenage relationships - are likely to be way more pure and sweet, than when they start hitting the 20s. Why? Because by the time you'r in the 20's, you are supposed to be mature enough to have a life aim and to dedicate yourself to watever role you are playing in the society. and not continue to be one of the floating souls looking to settle somewhere. Everyone starts to have a motive. Pple start having criterias to look for - they start to have baggages that they have with them...relationships are not pure anymore. THey have to "work out" - otherwise there is no future. Like someone menttioned to me that there's this couple that is both flatting but not flattting together because they can't stand each other together in the same house. And my friend is kinda like....well if they can't stand living together, then what future do they have? I guess the next extreme is the 2 of my friends that broke up even tho they still love each other - but because they don't see a common future together that can make both of them happy - so one of them wants to step out of this relationsship now so she has time to find the right person to get married and stuff.
So why do we have relationships again?
I guess I'm still stuck in the stage where two pple really enjoys each other's companies, want to spend time together all the time, treat each other special and create a world of their own. Not neglecting the outside world of cus.
So why do relationships have to "work"?
And the future? Will you throw your favourite teddy bear away because you know that it'll become ragged in the future and you dont' want to be upset over it when it does become torn and worn out?Or because you know that the teddy bear will eventually be given to someone else?
Its times like this - that i'm faced with the grim facts of live.
Whenever i start whining (kinda jokingly) about never ever finding someone I like etc. What are pple's reactions?
"ohh...you'r such a nice guy...i'm sure you will find someone"...
something along that lines.
Me? Nice guy? I think not.
If i indeed WAS a nice guy i'll have many girls waitin at the doorstep for me already. Like lots of other nice guys that i know.
I'm sure there's some personality flaw abt me. And yea, i have realised a few of them from time to time. I know that i've been treating "friends" like...not as well i can recently (well at least compared to before)...because? i duno. I can't be stuffed anymore. Trying to be all nice and sacrificing myself for others. Putting other's needs before me.
And i complain about not having a best friend?
Because, I'm not secure enough to treat someone as one. Because such a friend is not someone you strive to achieve. It happens. Over time.
And what happens to the so called friends that i say i have around me? I think they are not good enough. I find faults in them. They do things to annoy me. Or I find things that they do that i have a grudge against. Incidental or non-accidental or whatever, the grudge spreads. and soon i find them repulsive.
Also I find that they can't "live up to how i think friends should be". Yea, i can argue with myself that its because im not treating others right. And sitting here on my bum expecting myself to be treated nicely is not the best way to make good friends.
so when can i get over the jealously that all the pple i know, have better friends that i do? It sounds so strange and immature.
I'm this person that constantly wants to live in other pple's worlds.
I'm a follower. Not a leader.
While others strive to be the leader of the society or leader of what they are doing.
I strive to be the norm. One of the guys. Someone you wouldn't notice. And its not because i lack ambition.
I hate myself when i'm in this kinda mood. Why do i hold these useless dreams so close to heart?
I'm a baby that cant' walk but is too scared to fall. THerefore I dont' want to learn to walk because i dont' want to fall.
And so
I sit here.
And i dream that i walk run jog jump.......and fly.
And blame the world for not letting me walk.
gawd...i sound like soneone i hate...
p.s. no sympathies needed pls....thank you very much.
Was thinking abt relationships before. I think that young pple i.e. ppl in teens shud really have relationships earlier while they can - those teenage relationships - are likely to be way more pure and sweet, than when they start hitting the 20s. Why? Because by the time you'r in the 20's, you are supposed to be mature enough to have a life aim and to dedicate yourself to watever role you are playing in the society. and not continue to be one of the floating souls looking to settle somewhere. Everyone starts to have a motive. Pple start having criterias to look for - they start to have baggages that they have with them...relationships are not pure anymore. THey have to "work out" - otherwise there is no future. Like someone menttioned to me that there's this couple that is both flatting but not flattting together because they can't stand each other together in the same house. And my friend is kinda like....well if they can't stand living together, then what future do they have? I guess the next extreme is the 2 of my friends that broke up even tho they still love each other - but because they don't see a common future together that can make both of them happy - so one of them wants to step out of this relationsship now so she has time to find the right person to get married and stuff.
So why do we have relationships again?
I guess I'm still stuck in the stage where two pple really enjoys each other's companies, want to spend time together all the time, treat each other special and create a world of their own. Not neglecting the outside world of cus.
So why do relationships have to "work"?
And the future? Will you throw your favourite teddy bear away because you know that it'll become ragged in the future and you dont' want to be upset over it when it does become torn and worn out?Or because you know that the teddy bear will eventually be given to someone else?
Its times like this - that i'm faced with the grim facts of live.
Whenever i start whining (kinda jokingly) about never ever finding someone I like etc. What are pple's reactions?
"ohh...you'r such a nice guy...i'm sure you will find someone"...
something along that lines.
Me? Nice guy? I think not.
If i indeed WAS a nice guy i'll have many girls waitin at the doorstep for me already. Like lots of other nice guys that i know.
I'm sure there's some personality flaw abt me. And yea, i have realised a few of them from time to time. I know that i've been treating "friends" like...not as well i can recently (well at least compared to before)...because? i duno. I can't be stuffed anymore. Trying to be all nice and sacrificing myself for others. Putting other's needs before me.
And i complain about not having a best friend?
Because, I'm not secure enough to treat someone as one. Because such a friend is not someone you strive to achieve. It happens. Over time.
And what happens to the so called friends that i say i have around me? I think they are not good enough. I find faults in them. They do things to annoy me. Or I find things that they do that i have a grudge against. Incidental or non-accidental or whatever, the grudge spreads. and soon i find them repulsive.
Also I find that they can't "live up to how i think friends should be". Yea, i can argue with myself that its because im not treating others right. And sitting here on my bum expecting myself to be treated nicely is not the best way to make good friends.
so when can i get over the jealously that all the pple i know, have better friends that i do? It sounds so strange and immature.
I'm this person that constantly wants to live in other pple's worlds.
I'm a follower. Not a leader.
While others strive to be the leader of the society or leader of what they are doing.
I strive to be the norm. One of the guys. Someone you wouldn't notice. And its not because i lack ambition.
I hate myself when i'm in this kinda mood. Why do i hold these useless dreams so close to heart?
I'm a baby that cant' walk but is too scared to fall. THerefore I dont' want to learn to walk because i dont' want to fall.
And so
I sit here.
And i dream that i walk run jog jump.......and fly.
And blame the world for not letting me walk.
gawd...i sound like soneone i hate...
p.s. no sympathies needed pls....thank you very much.
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