List of my technological desires

Wow. I found more computers at this cleveland clinic library. Awesome. Internet access and free printing. Except this time i think i have work to do...

So sick of looking up articles, no idea where else i can look up articles... need a break

Anyways, so i decided to look up ebay. Bad idea. Now the list of things i want expands...

1. Bluetooth PDA keyboard
2. 4GB SD Card
3. Phone - currently top of the list is SE K800i together with a at least 2gb memory card
4. Laptop (i want one now! but i don't need one...i'm just dreaming)
5. USB Flashdrive - preferably a 4gb one
6. IPOD nano 8GB!!!

Non-technology stuff i want:

1. Clothes - sweaters, shirts, pants, jeans
2. Contacts
3. Glasses
4. New luggage bag
5. nice leather bag
6. JACKET! (i want a leather one, saw one in london for 90pounds, crazy shit, and it didn't even look real, but i liked it)

Phew i think that's enuf. I'm just gona disappont myself cos i probaby won't have the heart and money to buy all of the able. I mean, soon i'm gona add the white house and an apartment in london to the list...gees

Today i went to the Turnbull Symposium - the annual conference for Colorectal surgery. Watched 3 simultaneous laparoscopic pelvic-rectal surgery on the big screen with commenteries. Imagine those election shows with commenteries about how each is doing? There's even a panel of surgeons asking questions and commenting on their techniques and the audience can ask questions too. Man. Even the operating surgeons are talking and explaining this just like on TV. Its amazing. All the technology involved. Stunning! Got this nice 3 course lunch which was quite nice except i had bad winds afterwards...

I am still amazed that i can use my PDA to surf the web. Its simply amazing. I was sitting in the meeting room at 7am in the morning and decided to turn on my WIFI and guess wat. I'm surfing the net and reading emails right there. I dont even have a computer! Just my PDA! I can use it to surf almost any site i want, and its fast too - much much faster than the Tanz internet connection. I don't think i can say the word amazing enuf times, cos - i really CAN surf and go! and free too...! And use MSN...

I have to explain tho. Even though cleveland may be a shithole (the term was coined by the 2 americans i met at TYCS in Tanz, when they found out i was going to cleveland) - cleveland clinic is amazing. It is huge, and a 5 star hotel everywhere. Really. THere's music when you walk along the skyway, there's starbucks, macD's, nice restaurants, a 5 star hotel attached to it, everything is clean and well maintained. I have to say tho from the Kili and Safari experience everything is clean. Like i used to get hung up abt choosing where i pass my shit? well all the toilets seem so clean now that i'm happy to let it go anywhere i want. Anyways, how did i get on that topic. Erm. Yea there's computers in the wards, everything is electronic...

OH yea. Confidence.

I've had multiple posts complaining abt my confidence. I was just thinking abt how i feel so non-confident all the time. I just started wondering - why AM i so not confident? What is wrong with me? I get freaked out when i take the bus - cos i dont know where to get off. Big deal if i get off at the wrong place rite? But no. I feel scared that i don't want to be the one to press the bell. Like yesterday. I would rather walk up to the door and stand there than to press the bell. What the heck?

Being in the city, for me, is all about blending in. I try NOT to get noticed- looking at what the local pple do, trying not to ask for directions. why the heck?

Stability in my life. I guess, the side effect of travelling, is that everything becomes transient. Nothing is stable anymore. Pple you meet today you won't see in the future. Friendships you make, while you THINK they are your friends and you TREAT them like one, may not reciprocate or have a future either. New department, new pple you work with, constantly rotating...Nothing is constant, nothing is predictable, and all this has to be integrated into my comfortable zone.

To be comfortable with the unknown.

I know nothing.

and that nothing

swallows my confidence whole.

Is my whole life learning to deal with the unknown?

(so i still haven't discovered the root of my inconfidence)