Cramp and Pride
I was stretching after gym and suddenly, my R calf cramped up.
Ouch.
I can feel the tense muscle get even more tenser like it was gona break, and the pain level going up. Up to this point, the cramping feeling had been quite common - but then the pain and tightness went on and got even worse. I prodded my calf and i could feel the tightness of the muscle without even me contracting it. My leg hurts in watever position i left it, but seemed to get better when i flexed my knee totally, bringing my heel to my buttocks. Straightening my leg definitely made it worse. It was all I could do not to start groaning in pain and make the person on the mat next to me look at me like i'm some sick bastard. Until I thot i could stand the pain no more the pain started going away. Phew. Man this was the 1st cramp i have had for aggeeeess! Probably one of the rare full-blown cramps i got in my life? Guess that tells u how much I exercise?
...
needless to say i had a banana tonite. it better replenish my potassium levels
Had lunch with a good friend+his other half today. I even managed to scrape his gf's half-finished nasi goreng after i cleared my own plate of satay rice. Man. But it was so sweet the way the interact with each other. They even ate with their hands intertwined!! Literally! I mean - her R hand looped around his L hand to reach her own plate! And the way they looked at each other when they make those little gestures. The way he involves her in the conversation when we discuss ancient things... i have to say not many couples are quite like that eh (at least not publically) Anyhows they looked so right together...^^
Communication and Pride. What is the relationship btw them? Someone wanted to use the chestpress after me - and so he asked me if there was someone else waiting for it. I curtly answered no. Then after I finised and sanitised the seat before I passed it on to him, he thanked me. I didn't even look at him or reply. It wasn't like I was in a shitty mood or something - but I could at least not be shitfaced like that. Its this kind of attitude that gets myself annoyed. Like - there was an important person that I know at this talk I went to today. He was sitting up front preparing to speak to us. I kinda looked at him, didn't really make eye contact. There i was, wondering if i should stare, make eye contact and then smile and say hi, or just pretend i'm just one of the audiences. A few times I saw him looking in my direction, and I wanted to say hi - but then when i kinda made eye contact I would quickly look away - cos i thot it wasn't appropriate.
Gees - just do it man....wat the hell am i?! Those gestures probably made me look worse.
Later on I went to his little group and I didn't say hi immediately cos he was speaking to them. He acknowledged my presence and included me in the talk, and i asked the questions i wanted. But i still feel stupid about not greeting him. It was so simple - but all this thinking too much and thinking the other person will ignore me thing always prevents me from making contact with people.
Something i need to train to do.
No, no excuses. Its not like the experiences will scar me or anything - people ignore me anyway - but that doesn't mean i can't say hi.
and also when I say hi i should make it known, not just squeak something out of my throat and expect others to hear it.
And what does this have to do with pride? Well the attack to pride that happens when you greet someone and they ignore you (or if they didn't see/hear you) can be quite embarrasing and annoying - leading to loss of confidence and insecurity about whether other people saw it and laughs at you. If you are neurotic, you may worry about what other people think about you and if they will spread rumours amongst people (e.g. XX is tryin to suck up to XX) or if they mite make fun of you in the future. You mite also start worrying y the other person mite have purposely ignored you or purposely looked away, and what you have done to caused that and ...
a million other thoughts.
My conclusion - pride is something I have to learn to live without.
Yes i need self confidence.
But that has got to come from within myself - confidence about me.
and not derive confidence from about what people think about me.
Cos if you look at what pride do (besides making you feel invincible) - it makes you want to
-put others down
-take revenge
-increase ambition to get more power which leads to more pride.
its a vicious cycle.
Pride is not an excuse.
Ouch.
I can feel the tense muscle get even more tenser like it was gona break, and the pain level going up. Up to this point, the cramping feeling had been quite common - but then the pain and tightness went on and got even worse. I prodded my calf and i could feel the tightness of the muscle without even me contracting it. My leg hurts in watever position i left it, but seemed to get better when i flexed my knee totally, bringing my heel to my buttocks. Straightening my leg definitely made it worse. It was all I could do not to start groaning in pain and make the person on the mat next to me look at me like i'm some sick bastard. Until I thot i could stand the pain no more the pain started going away. Phew. Man this was the 1st cramp i have had for aggeeeess! Probably one of the rare full-blown cramps i got in my life? Guess that tells u how much I exercise?
...
needless to say i had a banana tonite. it better replenish my potassium levels
Had lunch with a good friend+his other half today. I even managed to scrape his gf's half-finished nasi goreng after i cleared my own plate of satay rice. Man. But it was so sweet the way the interact with each other. They even ate with their hands intertwined!! Literally! I mean - her R hand looped around his L hand to reach her own plate! And the way they looked at each other when they make those little gestures. The way he involves her in the conversation when we discuss ancient things... i have to say not many couples are quite like that eh (at least not publically) Anyhows they looked so right together...^^
Communication and Pride. What is the relationship btw them? Someone wanted to use the chestpress after me - and so he asked me if there was someone else waiting for it. I curtly answered no. Then after I finised and sanitised the seat before I passed it on to him, he thanked me. I didn't even look at him or reply. It wasn't like I was in a shitty mood or something - but I could at least not be shitfaced like that. Its this kind of attitude that gets myself annoyed. Like - there was an important person that I know at this talk I went to today. He was sitting up front preparing to speak to us. I kinda looked at him, didn't really make eye contact. There i was, wondering if i should stare, make eye contact and then smile and say hi, or just pretend i'm just one of the audiences. A few times I saw him looking in my direction, and I wanted to say hi - but then when i kinda made eye contact I would quickly look away - cos i thot it wasn't appropriate.
Gees - just do it man....wat the hell am i?! Those gestures probably made me look worse.
Later on I went to his little group and I didn't say hi immediately cos he was speaking to them. He acknowledged my presence and included me in the talk, and i asked the questions i wanted. But i still feel stupid about not greeting him. It was so simple - but all this thinking too much and thinking the other person will ignore me thing always prevents me from making contact with people.
Something i need to train to do.
No, no excuses. Its not like the experiences will scar me or anything - people ignore me anyway - but that doesn't mean i can't say hi.
and also when I say hi i should make it known, not just squeak something out of my throat and expect others to hear it.
And what does this have to do with pride? Well the attack to pride that happens when you greet someone and they ignore you (or if they didn't see/hear you) can be quite embarrasing and annoying - leading to loss of confidence and insecurity about whether other people saw it and laughs at you. If you are neurotic, you may worry about what other people think about you and if they will spread rumours amongst people (e.g. XX is tryin to suck up to XX) or if they mite make fun of you in the future. You mite also start worrying y the other person mite have purposely ignored you or purposely looked away, and what you have done to caused that and ...
a million other thoughts.
My conclusion - pride is something I have to learn to live without.
Yes i need self confidence.
But that has got to come from within myself - confidence about me.
and not derive confidence from about what people think about me.
Cos if you look at what pride do (besides making you feel invincible) - it makes you want to
-put others down
-take revenge
-increase ambition to get more power which leads to more pride.
its a vicious cycle.
Pride is not an excuse.
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