Equity
Wow - great thanks to all those who left messages on the tag board. Greatly appreciated =)
I went to two 21st and a conference dinner this weekend - somehow it wasn't as much fun as it sound. The bday party on friday was for a good highsch friend - altho I think that I'm somewhere between a person in the "in" group and someone outside the "out" group if you know what I mean.
I really suck at remember the funny things from years back - somehow those memories never come back to me at the right time for me to announce it for others to have a laugh. But on that great day reminiscene about highsch events and friendships - it was really touching to see the bday boy's 2 best buds give their speeches and the extent that they try to organise. They certainly had fun tryin to make the party a surprise, something which failed miserably (and i played a part in releasing the cat outta da bag too, something that i feel real guilty about).
I think I was wasted from the 2nd half of the party onwards - probably the rum i had earlier started to kick in - headache + I just felt totally drained. All i could do was to keep myself falling asleep. Twice I thought I understood something only to find out they were speaking in a foreign language (which i couldn't understand of cuz).That day was such a familiar day, and yet so not familiar - a few old faces appeared - and lots of past memories discussed. Past groups - people - events - but the funny things is that I realised I have moved on from those stuff - my mind has accepted that while it is nice to immerse in those warm feelings when you think about old friendships, well - things are different now. I'm not so dumb to fall back into the mode I was in before.
Or so I tell myself.
Anyhow - the events that happened these few days made me realise that one of the things I crave the most - is equal relationships. Sometimes, its real easy to fall into the selfish trap of trying to associate yourself with people you think are better than you (and suck up to them and be nice to them and to try to get to know them), and look down on those people whom you think are below you (and ignore them, and avoid them at all costs, and pick on them).
But what i realised is that - to even have a FRIENDship at all - the relationship must be equal. That means - the other person can't be someone who is far superior than you - such relationships dun work well (probably become paternalistic if anything). I want - someone who i can look up to in many ways - but I also one someone who can look up to me at the same time.
I guess the bottomline is - as Naruto says - I want someone to appreciate my existence.
So why am I pondering this? Well for some reason I seem to be always hanging around people older than me. I just came back from a conference of doctors (where i was helping out in) . Social interactions with people superior than you can be so stressful. Keeping conversations up with the drug reps (who, for some reason, are always really good looking, wears nice clothes, have nice manners and communication skills - its like they are part-time LV retailers or something), the other doctors who sits besides me - the exec committee etc. Even around school, the people there are usually 1-2 years older than me. Even the people i call my friends are usually somewhat older biologically than me (I won't say that all their mental ages are older tho....=.="). Somehow this translates into that I have to keep up with them - they have a 1-2 year advantage of being in this world longer, know how to do things better - and i struggle to keep up with them in all aspects of life.
Yea i know there's probably lots of objections to the above statements (E.g. that 1 year doesn't really matter and i shouldn't care that mucn anyway) but lets not go into that now.
And yes - of cus i know - there are persons who appreciates my existence. And unlike my other friend, I don't need to leave home yet to appreciate how important my mother is to me - and me to her for that matter. But as I said - me and my mother aren't exactly a equal relationship...she is far more superior than me in godzillion ways...
You know the saying that "the world can survive without me?"
I think that is almost true.
There's this story which is totally occupying my mind rite now that i've read. And i just happen to shake hands with 2 persons today that fits those characters so well (appearance wise).
aiiiiiii....dreams.....
Maybe i'll leave discussion of story till nxt blog...
I went to two 21st and a conference dinner this weekend - somehow it wasn't as much fun as it sound. The bday party on friday was for a good highsch friend - altho I think that I'm somewhere between a person in the "in" group and someone outside the "out" group if you know what I mean.
I really suck at remember the funny things from years back - somehow those memories never come back to me at the right time for me to announce it for others to have a laugh. But on that great day reminiscene about highsch events and friendships - it was really touching to see the bday boy's 2 best buds give their speeches and the extent that they try to organise. They certainly had fun tryin to make the party a surprise, something which failed miserably (and i played a part in releasing the cat outta da bag too, something that i feel real guilty about).
I think I was wasted from the 2nd half of the party onwards - probably the rum i had earlier started to kick in - headache + I just felt totally drained. All i could do was to keep myself falling asleep. Twice I thought I understood something only to find out they were speaking in a foreign language (which i couldn't understand of cuz).That day was such a familiar day, and yet so not familiar - a few old faces appeared - and lots of past memories discussed. Past groups - people - events - but the funny things is that I realised I have moved on from those stuff - my mind has accepted that while it is nice to immerse in those warm feelings when you think about old friendships, well - things are different now. I'm not so dumb to fall back into the mode I was in before.
Or so I tell myself.
Anyhow - the events that happened these few days made me realise that one of the things I crave the most - is equal relationships. Sometimes, its real easy to fall into the selfish trap of trying to associate yourself with people you think are better than you (and suck up to them and be nice to them and to try to get to know them), and look down on those people whom you think are below you (and ignore them, and avoid them at all costs, and pick on them).
But what i realised is that - to even have a FRIENDship at all - the relationship must be equal. That means - the other person can't be someone who is far superior than you - such relationships dun work well (probably become paternalistic if anything). I want - someone who i can look up to in many ways - but I also one someone who can look up to me at the same time.
I guess the bottomline is - as Naruto says - I want someone to appreciate my existence.
So why am I pondering this? Well for some reason I seem to be always hanging around people older than me. I just came back from a conference of doctors (where i was helping out in) . Social interactions with people superior than you can be so stressful. Keeping conversations up with the drug reps (who, for some reason, are always really good looking, wears nice clothes, have nice manners and communication skills - its like they are part-time LV retailers or something), the other doctors who sits besides me - the exec committee etc. Even around school, the people there are usually 1-2 years older than me. Even the people i call my friends are usually somewhat older biologically than me (I won't say that all their mental ages are older tho....=.="). Somehow this translates into that I have to keep up with them - they have a 1-2 year advantage of being in this world longer, know how to do things better - and i struggle to keep up with them in all aspects of life.
Yea i know there's probably lots of objections to the above statements (E.g. that 1 year doesn't really matter and i shouldn't care that mucn anyway) but lets not go into that now.
And yes - of cus i know - there are persons who appreciates my existence. And unlike my other friend, I don't need to leave home yet to appreciate how important my mother is to me - and me to her for that matter. But as I said - me and my mother aren't exactly a equal relationship...she is far more superior than me in godzillion ways...
You know the saying that "the world can survive without me?"
I think that is almost true.
===========================================
There's this story which is totally occupying my mind rite now that i've read. And i just happen to shake hands with 2 persons today that fits those characters so well (appearance wise).
aiiiiiii....dreams.....
Maybe i'll leave discussion of story till nxt blog...
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