Elective. Best Friend.
Just had a Loooong day...full of neurology, pharmacokinetics, yum char, mucking around, teeny weeny bit of research, and elective talk that went from 430 to 715. Dun get me wrong - I loved the talk, it inspired me, but it also filled me up with frustrations...
Electives 2006. Where am i to go? I want to go to many places. My classmate said that i should probably list the countries that i DONT want to go to instead - there'll probably be less. Anyhow, Here's the list of places that i wana go to:
1. USA and Canada
2. England
3. Japan
(starting to sound like the olympics gold medal line up...oh wait i forgot aussie and china)
4. South African countries - like Zambia, Kenya or even South Africa)
5. India
6. Nepal
7. Tibet
8. Egypt
9. European countries: namely Italy? Duno, i wana go there more for fun tho.
There were talks about Samoa, Tonga, Indonesia, Zambia, Capetown (South Africa), Melbourne, Cambridge and Toronto.
One of our anatomy lecturers Phil Blyth went to Indonesia for his 5th year selective. It sounded really interested - he was involved in the surgical clinic there and assisted in many operations. Thee was a picture he showed us of testicular hydrocele which developed to be bigger than watermelons on both sides. SEriously! I couldnt' recognised what those 2 great big round things that illuminated under the light was at first, until he pointed it out.
Hey i like the keyboard at home so much better than the one at uni, i think i can type faster here.
Anyway what sounded really interesting was the pair of students that went to Zambia together. It sounded like such an surreal experience. The big holes on the roads, the amount of pathology that happens there. So many kids with Kwashikor and Malaria. So many pple with AIDS. They get to do lots of procedures - lumbar punctures, chest drains. They even get to do clinics even though they can't speak the zambian language. They mentioned how someone got bitten by a snake and killed it and took it to show them. They mentioned how in Capetown, she was nearly going to do a Lumbar puncture on this guy, only to realise at the last min that he has already died. The doctor said to her that she's welcome to do it anyway, but she didn't think it was appropriate.
There were so many experiences. So much organisation involved - contacting people, establishing and asking for the right contacts, chasing people up, doing immunisations, visa...insurance...hell, so much to organise. And I hate organising. Me never an organised person. All this talk just made all the submerged frustrations appear again. Before I can even sTART worrying about the elective in 2006, I have to REALLY worry about my Selective next yr and where i'm going to do that and what i'm going to do. Organisation again. See? I would rather type a 100000 word essay blogging rather than typing an email out. How wonderful is that.
Change of topic. Remember the equity entry that i put? Well, i got a kind nice response from my wonderful friend. YEs - i have to admit. We'r probably the few pple out there that doesn't belong to a group. Any group for that matter. Belong as in fit in physically and mentally. Hell, not just a group. I dun think we fit together with any other people on earth.
Which leads to a statement i have depended upon sometimes "you are your own best friend". The problem is - I CAN'T be my own best friend. All I see of myself is faults. My self confidence is built on the things I think i can do better than others. I know ALL of my own dirty secrets and nasty habits that I constantly want to change but can't make myself to do it. And in the midst of it all, I still can't see thru myself. I don't know what I really want. I can't even work out what specialty i want to do my selective. I can't work out what countries i really wana go to for my elective. How the hell am i gona make a decision of what specialty that i'm gona commit myself to? And how am i gona make the decision whether to attempt try specialties which are really hard to get in, and how am i gona stand myself if i find the road getting there too hard mentally and physically?See, I can't stand myself half the time.
One of the reason why best friends are so great - is because they have the ability to see who you are when you are the most confused.
If I was to be my own best friend, and I get confused, then - who is going to see my thru my confused state?
As a friend once said to me - if there were 2 of me, we'll probably head off and jump off the bridge together.
I dun think he knows how right he is.
Electives 2006. Where am i to go? I want to go to many places. My classmate said that i should probably list the countries that i DONT want to go to instead - there'll probably be less. Anyhow, Here's the list of places that i wana go to:
1. USA and Canada
2. England
3. Japan
(starting to sound like the olympics gold medal line up...oh wait i forgot aussie and china)
4. South African countries - like Zambia, Kenya or even South Africa)
5. India
6. Nepal
7. Tibet
8. Egypt
9. European countries: namely Italy? Duno, i wana go there more for fun tho.
There were talks about Samoa, Tonga, Indonesia, Zambia, Capetown (South Africa), Melbourne, Cambridge and Toronto.
One of our anatomy lecturers Phil Blyth went to Indonesia for his 5th year selective. It sounded really interested - he was involved in the surgical clinic there and assisted in many operations. Thee was a picture he showed us of testicular hydrocele which developed to be bigger than watermelons on both sides. SEriously! I couldnt' recognised what those 2 great big round things that illuminated under the light was at first, until he pointed it out.
Hey i like the keyboard at home so much better than the one at uni, i think i can type faster here.
Anyway what sounded really interesting was the pair of students that went to Zambia together. It sounded like such an surreal experience. The big holes on the roads, the amount of pathology that happens there. So many kids with Kwashikor and Malaria. So many pple with AIDS. They get to do lots of procedures - lumbar punctures, chest drains. They even get to do clinics even though they can't speak the zambian language. They mentioned how someone got bitten by a snake and killed it and took it to show them. They mentioned how in Capetown, she was nearly going to do a Lumbar puncture on this guy, only to realise at the last min that he has already died. The doctor said to her that she's welcome to do it anyway, but she didn't think it was appropriate.
There were so many experiences. So much organisation involved - contacting people, establishing and asking for the right contacts, chasing people up, doing immunisations, visa...insurance...hell, so much to organise. And I hate organising. Me never an organised person. All this talk just made all the submerged frustrations appear again. Before I can even sTART worrying about the elective in 2006, I have to REALLY worry about my Selective next yr and where i'm going to do that and what i'm going to do. Organisation again. See? I would rather type a 100000 word essay blogging rather than typing an email out. How wonderful is that.
Change of topic. Remember the equity entry that i put? Well, i got a kind nice response from my wonderful friend. YEs - i have to admit. We'r probably the few pple out there that doesn't belong to a group. Any group for that matter. Belong as in fit in physically and mentally. Hell, not just a group. I dun think we fit together with any other people on earth.
Which leads to a statement i have depended upon sometimes "you are your own best friend". The problem is - I CAN'T be my own best friend. All I see of myself is faults. My self confidence is built on the things I think i can do better than others. I know ALL of my own dirty secrets and nasty habits that I constantly want to change but can't make myself to do it. And in the midst of it all, I still can't see thru myself. I don't know what I really want. I can't even work out what specialty i want to do my selective. I can't work out what countries i really wana go to for my elective. How the hell am i gona make a decision of what specialty that i'm gona commit myself to? And how am i gona make the decision whether to attempt try specialties which are really hard to get in, and how am i gona stand myself if i find the road getting there too hard mentally and physically?See, I can't stand myself half the time.
One of the reason why best friends are so great - is because they have the ability to see who you are when you are the most confused.
If I was to be my own best friend, and I get confused, then - who is going to see my thru my confused state?
As a friend once said to me - if there were 2 of me, we'll probably head off and jump off the bridge together.
I dun think he knows how right he is.
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